An Intimate Letter to …


Is it possible to live without any stimulation?

I don’t think it is achievable for anyone with a high level of sensitivity and yes, this article will be about sex, but we are NOT there yet. 🙂 What I am referring too at the moment is this mental and emotional dead zone, where many of us find ourselves trapped – hoping for some stimulus to save our creative souls from an inevitable, slow death. In medical term, such a state of mind is described as “an inability to excite a nerve to its functional activity.” 🙂 And then one day, our paths cross with a complete stranger, our thoughts collide at high speed and quite unexpectedly, he or she, becomes our inspiration – bringing our senses back to life.

We could also take a different approach, suggested by Woody Allen in one of his brilliant books: “The Insanity Defense” where he dares to suggest, with his typical, kinky sense of humor, that we all should pay for an intellectual stimulation the way some of us pay for sex: … “I mean my wife is great, don’t get me wrong. But, she won’t discuss Pound with me. Or Eliot. I didn’t know that when I married her. See, I need a woman who’s mentally stimulating, Kaiser. And I am willing to pay for it. I don’t want an involvement – I want a quick intellectual experience, then I want the girl to leave. Christ, Kaiser, I am a happily married man.”

I guess the perfect formula would be to have a cake and eat it, but then life would be rather boring, wouldn’t it? 🙂

*   *   *

I wrote this email yesterday evening, but I decided against sending it to you, because my frivolous fiddling with words and my particular desire to touch upon rather controversial topics could’ve been taken the wrong way. The same message told at midnight under the full moon:

  • I think you are an amazing woman, but I don’t love you any more …
  • You got to be f…g kidding me!

may have a completely different meaning and most likely will result in a contrary reaction during morning breakfast with a soothing smell of black coffee in the air:

  • I think you are an amazing woman, but I don’t love you any more …
  • OMG! Me too!

Therefore, I want to reassure you that this letter has no underlying meaning or any hidden messages, which is why you should take it for what it is and enjoy a journey into one woman’s soul. Some would say – a rather rare privilege. 🙂

I truly enjoy reading all excerpts from the novel you are working on. It is utterly fascinating to witness the process of someone else’s creation, because it is not only contagiously exciting, but most of all – inspiring. So when you sent me the most recent piece and I read the last sentence, where the conductor’s voice announces the arrival of the train at the local station bringing Maria back to reality, I had a strong feeling of déjà vu. At that very moment, I recalled my own piece of writing that I have ended in a quite similar and abrupt way yet in a contrastingly different setting. My character – completely lost in a very intimate world of imagination – was brought back to reality at the moment of ecstasy to find herself back at the kitchen table where the soft, velvety texture of one ingredient with its musky fragrance that filled up the air and a silky touch of another one – suddenly made this experience so erotic that it sent her off to a different dimension where actually pleasure is the key ingredient. After all preparing food is similar to making love – both are meant to stimulate all senses and if one cannot put his heart into them, he should not even bother to think that he could succeed at either.  🙂 But, before I open up another Pandora’s Box on this subject, first let’s talk about every writer’s workshop.

Don’t you enjoy the power you have over people as a writer? The ability to fiddle with words and manipulate the crowds? To play with their emotions and stimulate their reactions exactly to your liking, whether it is anger, desire or shame? It is a very powerful and dangerous gift and a very rare privilege not granted to all. But, I have no shame and I use it passionately. One has to liberate himself to find true joy in the freedom of writing. 🙂  However, fear of what other people may say or think – is a terrible advisor …

So, now, knowing a little bit about your own style and enjoying it tremendously, I feel compelled to admit, that unlike you, I write to provoke – because I tend to feed on challenge. After all, what would be art or literature without affecting people either in a negative or positive way? And therefore, I certainly hope you are prepared for controversy in our exchanges especially that after almost a year of silence, when I didn’t feel like writing any articles – except for a few book reviews – it was You who helped me jump back into my Manolo Blahnik shoes of Carrie Bradshaw character. 🙂 And suddenly I became a writing machine …

I have to say, that our contemporary society, even though quite advanced in many fields – including sex – is not as liberated as one would imagine. Some people actually think that writing articles about sex and sexuality on my blog, or erotics for that matter, is a sign of promiscuity, while I believe it is a sign of liberation (which has absolutely nothing to do with having sex on the first date  🙂  ). None of us was born with freedom of expression written into our genetic code – it actually derives from a deep need to break away from the limitations enforced by the system or society. Yet human submissiveness, conformism and fear of rejection by majority make it impossible for most people to rise up against old norms and free their minds. So it is our duty as writers to help them find integrity and defend it. 🙂

If I may suggest something, I think it would be an interesting exercise during your Book Reading Club, to find out how participants feel about eroticism in literaturewould they be even able to engage in a conversation without feeling intimidated? Try to pick as an assignment a love letter like those written by Napoleon to Josephine and go from there – I can assure you that exploring human behavior is the best food for thought for every writer. 🙂 It is not a sign of arrogance, but rather justified curiosity. After all, I refuse to believe that the only man alive who is able to openly talk about sex, sexuality and other controversial aspects of life is Wood Allen. 🙂

Alicja aka Carrie Bradshaw.




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