This article has never been meant to be published on my blog simply because it is in English. But then, one of my girlfriends decided that my utterly provocative (don’t you love it about me 🙂 ) comments about Men & Women inhabiting the Singles Market in NY would be perfect for her own blog/forum. Left with no choice other than to publish it, I am breaking my cardinal rule and for the first time since almost two years I am publishing this article in English 🙂 For those who have already read it on my FB – please ignore it – those who didn’t: Have Fun and don’t take anything too seriously 🙂 Treat is as one of the episodes from „Sex and the City.”
Polish Carrie Bradshaw 🙂
For Polish Readers: Bardzo przepraszam wszystkich moich czytelnikow, ktorzy nie znaja jezyka angielskiego, ale ten artykul jest wyjatkiem od reguly na potrzeby innego amerykanskiego forum. Kolejne artykuly beda jak zwykle po polsku 🙂 Dziekuje.
No disrespect, but nowadays in New York men do not constitute a suitable material for a partner for any woman that seeks ESSENCE :). Of course finding a „Fuck Buddy” or a „One Night Stand” doesn’t constitute an issue, especially in the city like NY where morality has vanished from the Webster Dictionary – once and forever – clearly indicating that there is a price tag not only on every single piece of luxury cloth or jewelry at BergdorfGoodman, but also on many relationships. Just by showing up at certain „establishments” in NY we give – quite often – a wrong signal that derives in most cases from our ignorance that we are there because we are „ready and asking for it” In such an environment where sex is a commodity for which there is a high demand, but clearly isn’t scarce (there are 150,000 single women more in NY than men – do your math) any woman with a little respect for herself will find such an environment completely out of place and after finding herself, over and over, in a completely wrong company of men who are not even remotely interesting or compatible, but on the contrary, painfully boring and self-centered, she will finally settle for being happily Single vs. unhappily committed or even worse: dating men who love spherically – in every direction. George Washington once addressed his comrades with those words: „It is better to be alone, than in a bad company.” Obviously he was referring to Honor while I refer to Dignity, but we are not that far apart in addressing the same point.
Who’s fault is it? I admit it is partially ours. Yes, women became more independent and self spoken and without any problem we can stand our ground and express our own opinions and even to our mother’s in law disapproval we would get into an argument with our husbands or his friends on any topic from religion through politics ending on sex and relationships. However, while we became more masculine – in an emotional sense, Men started slowly showing signs of femininity, which are not even remotely appealing. For some unjustified reason, Men become surprisingly weak in a presence of our growing strength and independence. Men by default have a serious issue with accepting our own success. Simple example: in the past decade almost every female Oscar winer who was married got divorce shortly after the ceremony – to most MEN success of their partner – no matter how beautiful and devoted to their husbands and their family – is like a sign of their own failure, so they have to find someone else, who will help them redeem themselves and who will replace the gigantic hole in their EGO. Which would explain why the society fills up rapidly with many interesting, intelligent, beautiful and successful women who for most suitable men become a distant dream out of reach.
Not until I came to America I have learned about an existence and a meaning of an idiom „Out of my league.” And then I thought: WTF??? It turned out that not being unfortunate looking, not stupid, well travelled and Cosmopolitan in many fields, became suddenly a curse that threatens Men’s integrity and self-esteem and instead of showing a Lion’s Heart and accepting the challenge – they vanish off the court defeated without even picking up a fight. So what does it mean? Have all Men with charisma, confidence and strong character – unafraid of challenge and hardship became extinct? Which is why to fulfill the expectations of the society we should settle for mediocre relationship with an insecure freak. Speaking of which…
Lets not forget, that these days there is a significantly growing population of Men who have a hard time cutting their umbilical cord with their mothers and for many women dealing with „a package” may constitute a serious issue. A Mama’s boy is a horrible candidate for any woman who seeks a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!! Period!
Another serious issue in this country is a completely unjustified need among Americans to find within themselves some sort of madness, justified or not, that needs to be cured by a psychologist. This way, supplied with a stock of prescription drugs they fill up the dating market with Freaks – who, next to Mama’s boys, make for completely unsuitable partners. For most of us – foreigners – it is the age of insanity. Therefore, if any woman wants to REALLY get to know her new partner she should first check his medicine cabinet and his nightstand for items other than the size of his condoms and request to meet with his mother as soon as possible after she meets him to simply get some idea about their own relationship. If he passes this test, then I suggest she should cautiously proceed 🙂 Obviously, until something else spooks her.
I could probably go on, on this fascinating topic for the next few hours, but at the end lets just focus on one cardinal difference about boys and girls and I don’t mean anatomical. Most Men, who were either forced into a divorce because for most of their married life they have been cheating on their wives, or lost their wife to illness or just simply got dumped, suddenly feel like a lost puppy and they spend their entire energy on … seeking a new MATE! It is not about a new LOVE OF HIS LIFE, although that occasionally happens, but a woman who will take off his shoulders all his burdens associated with taking care either of kids or the house or both, that has been suddenly dumped by Karma on his back. Why am I saying it? I may be a naive and romantic girl from Europe, but I won’t buy into a BS like marring a woman 6 months after his wife died out of pure LOVE! I am sorry – I am not THAT naive! If you want a housekeeper or a babysitter – HIRE ONE!!! DO NOT MARRY ONE!!!
At the same time most of divorced women focus mainly on healing their wounds, growing stronger and focusing on rising their kids on their own while most of the new bachelors/ex-husbands explore the beauty of being single and Available!!! And those are the MEN who enter the dating market filled already up with young boys who seek cougars (my absolute record 22, but a „boy toy” is not on my agenda for a relationship – I am definitely into a flesh and bone MAN with a charisma – and among mentioned above a long list of „characters”, eternal bachelors who decided, I admit rightfully, that since the gigantic NY dating market is so overloaded with girls similar to Kardashians – materialistic women with no brain, aspirations nor plans for life, but a good looking body – either surgically improved or their own – why would they make any effort to settle for one woman only?
Summarizing, if anyone looked closely, without any prejudice, at the contemporary, quite dysfunctional dating market – it really reminds me of a candy store. I tried to avoid any cliche, but then why reinventing the wheel? In reality – it really is a one gigantic store with sweets that will be constantly replenished with new or improved candies and if you don’t like one you can always spit it out and reach out for a new one Why? Because YOU CAN!
Therefore, under such circumstances, many women decide – also rightfully – to stay Happily SINGLE! If any Man really made an effort to get to know them better he would find out that they are really nice, intelligent, attractive and very sensitive women who’s only crime is that they seek essence in life and they refuse to settle for whatever. I do understand that most men have a hard time coming to terms with a concept of Solitude and declaration of happiness, but it is only because Men were not meant to be alone. Women have this capacity because as much as sex is important to us it is not as important as having feelings in general. Without being emotionally attached, for most of us, there is no chance for any commitment. So instead of constantly picking up from the ground the shattered pieces of our broken hearts, most of us would rather settle for Friendships and Solitude than Misery. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. However, it absolutely doesn’t mean that any of us would stay in this state forever – but until Mr. Right finally appears on the horizon – we will simply enjoy life – without MEN! Because WE CAN!!! No matter how much You Guys hate this idea 🙂
Aka: Polish Carrie Bradshaw